Some days I feel us falling apart, but growing more, all at the same time. Maybe it’s because you’re talking to her again, or maybe it’s because I have sitting in my room crying for an hour, and you haven’t come in to comfort me, or to ask me how I’m doing.
I walked past you with tears in my eyes, and you never said a word, because you were to busy talking to your ‘long distance girl.’ You haven’t talked to each other in almost a year, and suddenly you pay more attention to her, then you do to your own girlfriend.
Last night, you stayed up talking to her, even after I went to bed. I wonder what you two talk about. I wonder if she knows about us, and how committed we are to this relationship. I’m so fucking terrified. I’m afraid that she’s going to tear us apart, and that she’ll be your everything. I don’t want that. I never ever want you to go, and I have promised you that I won’t ever leave your side, and I meant it with all of my heart.
You mean more to me than anyone ever has. I will stay with you until the day I die.
…and the urges are bad tonight. I’m so tempted to reach into my nightstand, grab a couple bottles of pills, and swallow every single one like it’s my destiny. I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to leave you.
I’m still shocked that you haven’t come into my room, yet. You always have in the past, and the one time you don’t, it’s when you and her are talking. Don’t you realize how that makes me feel? How low that makes me feel?
I love you, but something needs to change. I’m not sure what it is, but it needs to happen soon. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t talk to her, because I know that you would never make me stop talking to someone who meant a lot to me. My issue is that you seem to be spending more time talking to her, then you do to me. She makes you laugh more than I do, and I try so hard.
I’m just so tired…